No Success As Failure, No Success At All...

Lately many things are running through my mind, much like the Energizer Bunny going and going, non stopping. The truth is that I've been reexamining my life over this past decade. At the time of writing this, I'm months away from turning 40 (not until early June). At times, I feel like I'm Meg Ryan in When Harry Meant Sally balling her eyes out in Central Park having lunch with Carrier Fisher telling her all the things she hasn't done before her character turns 40. Well, for me, it's been rather emotional for the past 6 months wondering if my life has amounted to anything. I didn't think that I would get into one of these phases, but I have. The Age of Aquarius has been working to clear the darkness from me, like it has for many others on Planet Earth. I remember having a dark veil around me when I turned 30 and wondering if I would ever get to all 7 continents. 

For years, a part of me has been dying, as in the 'dark night of the soul', to give birth to the light that is inside of me to bring forth my gifts. I wish I could tell you that I have money to pay for my groceries and so on, but I don't. I'm too ashamed to tell you my real fears. Wondering, if my real friends around the world have truly forgotten about me. Am, I going to make my life work. Am I good enough as the next photographer. Have I made a difference with the kids whom I interact with at school. Everyone else must like everyone else much better than me. Will anyone buy my products. Will the money come for me to live an authentic life. Some of these so called fears are not mine, they are the fears of the human condition for the past thousand of years. It's like we get bottled up in the mask of separation from our true self that will know unwilling with major acts of faith that anything is possible. There's a great power from within that is connected across the universe, to the moon, to the stars, to the oceans, etc that is just waiting for us to flow with the laws of nature.

I've been pondering with the idea of writing my obituary for sometime. Now, now, this is not a morbid thing to do. Death happens to all of all the time, our cells change and grow and new things are unfolding for us right before our eyes every moment of the days of our lives. I was required to write one for my business class homework. It was require to give me and the others in my class a sense of hope for what we can create true for ourself with owning our own business.

We all know that an obituary is a short news article publish in the paper or on the local funeral home's website. But if you are from the West of Ireland it can mean that it's given over the local radio station.  Growing up, I witness my mother's family always going to the obit section of the paper to see who has died first besides seeing if the Boston Red Sox's won the game. Must be a very Irish thing to do. As from my Irish roots, I know that there needs to be some humor with it in a way. I find the ones written from the heart are the best ones personally. Anything with love and heart are. We all know that the love vibration is the higher vibration on the planet and we must include this as our secret recipe for our obits. 

"So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom

And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel

They'll be my ticket to the universal opera

There's Judy Garland taking Buddha by the hand

And then these seven little men get up to dance

They say Confucius does his crossword with a pen

I'm still the angel to a girl who hates to sin"

~Tori Amos

The other morning, my inspiration for this assignment was from receiving a hug from a kid who I must had made a difference with. I was walking in the high school chatting with a friend of mine who happens to be one of the art teacher there. I stopped and gave the kid a hug and she told me that she missed me. My friend asked me how I knew her and told her that I knew the kid from when she was in elementary (primary) school. I must have sparked something with this kid. I told my friend that I love the connection that I make with the kids, it goes far more than the teaching of the stuff, when they stop an sincerely meant that they missed me or ask me how I'm doing or giving a genuine smile. My friend agreed with me. It was from this spark that I saw with the kid that gave me strength to actually sit down during a free block to write the obit. 

"She knows there's no success like failure 

And that failure's no success at all" 

~Bob Dylan

Truth was this was the easiest of my assignments. Some may be fuming and such over it. Not me. The other assignment with money have been my nightmare to look at. Let's just say that the past crept up with that one. The obit actually gave me something to look at that was real and honest to who I am. I know from my mediumship studies, it's best to give the words to the reader with the message of love. I asked my guides and angels for help with it. It wasn't my first time writing an obit. I did one when I read the book The Passion Test by Janet Bray Attwood, when I first went through some major inner transformation work. All what I can say is that I noticed that my writing has changed and I'm becoming more clearer on things. 

I'll share some of what I wrote, not all of it...

Her greatest accomplishment was before the ripe age of 40 to have set foot on all 7 continents. She also had a long childhood battle of overcoming a severe speech impediment. From it her dyslexia has led her to work with her intuitive gifts and to see the world on a much larger scale and to have graduated from the University of Maine with a Bachelor in Arts (political science), maga cum laude. She was told in high school that she didn’t stand a chance to go onto higher education, but she has proven them wrong. Christine was the second person in her family to sail through the panama canal, the first was her grandfather who was a captain of an oil tanker and very proud of his Irish heritage. It is from him whom she found her inspiration to seek out the world. He brought back many gifts from his travels, along with local currency and stories from the places that he visit. Christine taught English in Japan as a participant of the JET Programme, worked on ships with Lindblad Expeditions, backpacked solo in Australia, New Zealand and Fiji, worked as a photographer with African Impact, sailed across the Antarctic Circle, hiked Machu Picchu, observed the wildlife in the Galapagos, visiting her extended family in Ireland, to getting sprayed on by a killer whale in Alaska, to have seen David Bowie on his last world tour in Sydney, to have completed a 10 day Vipassana meditation course, had an incredible elephant interaction in South Africa to many memories from her travels. She was an exceptional photographer and will be missed by many.